Monday, December 31, 2012
I miss my dad. ALL the time. He's never far from my mind. This has been so hard and I don't see it getting any better any time soon. How do I live with this?
On Friday Dec 28 I meet with an old friend. We met at Starbucks and spend 1/2 hour chatting. I needed that. I needed to make peace with an old situation. And I really feel like things are all better now. On a side note I had a salted caramel mocha. mince the sea salt off the top. It was okay. Didn't settle well with my stomach but I'd drink it again.
Ive found my self in some situations that don't really settle well with me. I wish I could explain but I know that any way I try to blog it it won't come out right. I just wish that I had the wisdom to know how to handle these things.
I've mostly decided that after the new year I am going to start going to church. This has been a long decision coming and I know that it is the right thing for me and my family. I have found a church that I am thinking of attending. It just happens to be the church that Hayley goes to on Wednesday night for JAMS. My only concern right now is Scott. I am not sure what his opinion is on the matter and I don't want it to cause any problems.
As of writing this I am 3 days late...I don't think I'm pregnant..I did a test today. But last time it was like 2 weeks later before I finally got a positive test. I do have a few symptoms that are kinda nerve wracking but only time will tell. I have to say this getting pregnant stuff is hard work! ;)
Edited to add:So much for being late. I finally started on Sunday. Oh the pain! I am def. calling my doctor about this pain! Just as soon as I get home.
Thanks for sticking with me..Heres to hoping that 2013 brings an incline in blog posts and perhaps a incline in followers? ;)
Saturday, December 29, 2012
So that is how we spent our Friday afternoon....donating our hair to Locks of Love.
Christmas has come and gone..and finally there is snow on the ground. Hayley got tons of new things as the pictures show. My mom thankfully had the day off from work so my brother and his son came over. Unfortunately my nephew was super sick! 101.1 fever rosy checks and a nasty cough!!
And Friday we made that happen. But I'm going to start a new post...Locks of Love deserves their own post....
Monday, December 17, 2012
P.S. I still have tons of things to make before Christmas, mint oreo truffles, chocolate chip cookies, m&m cookies, and peanut butter reindeer cookies!!!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Thank you to everyone that prayed for little B!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Friday marks one month since my dad passed away. The pain doesnt seem to be getting any better and just feels so unreal.
One month ago I was still living up north. Missing my family and knew the end was nearing. Now I am missing him like crazy :(
Friday, December 7, 2012
Good news is they don't think its cancer. Won't know for sure til at least Tuesday so they are just playing the waiting game. The bad news was they were only able to remove 98% of the tumor. It turns out it was attached to the main artery for the small intestine. So they had to leave part of it. And that means it could possibly grow back. Again, will know more on Tuesday.
Please keep praying as this is a really rough time for Tim, Jill and all 4 of their kids....
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Please pray for them and their family thru this difficult time.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
I have to admit going in and checking was hard but at the same time peaceful. But there was other even harder moments.
Thank you for all your prayers.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
For the moment I am going to relax with my husband and finally get some sleep!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
So as soon as he is home I am moving in with them to spend as much time with him as I can. They don't have internet and phone service is pretty crappy up there but I will try to blog when I can. If I can. I'm scared and sad and just plain not ready to lose my daddy.
Please pray for us.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I'm feeling a little better today. I can sense the anger but it doesn't feel as overhelming. My upcoming trip might have something to do with it...
The bad thing is my throat really hurts right now. I hope I'm not getting sick!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
There's so much going on and my heart is so heavy. I just don't know where to turn to. I desperately need a therapist, but I don't have insurance coverage. I know that if I could just talk to someone openly and honestly that I would feel better. Or maybe a good old fashion karate/boxing lesson. *Sigh*
I sit here and I wish I knew what to do. Deep down I know the answer to one issue but its the execution that I'm struggling with. I don't want to do it. It would hurt too much. I'm a wreck!
I know this post seems totally off the wall just bouncing all over and for that I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Other than that I've got a lot on my mind. Nothing I can blog about (of course!!! LOL) but something none the less.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
This is sad for many reasons. Too many to list really. But the thing is Hayley doesn't want to be there. She wants to be at home. She doesn't like going there, but yet I still HAVE to make her go. I don't like it. I don't like seeing my nine year crying and screaming about not wanting to go to daddy's.
I wish there was something I could do about this. It happens all the time but yet unless I want to face getting into trouble with the court I have to keep sending her.
I miss my princess already and can't wait for her to come home!!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Next Friday Hayley leaves for her dad's house for 9 days. Yikes, poor kid. I don't think she realizes it's going to be 9 days. I think she might think its just for 7 days. And believe me, 7 is hard enough for her, 9 is going to be very difficult. I have already purchased her packages. One for every day she is going to be gone. Its a tradition we have done for 2 years now. When ever she has to go for more than a weekend, I go, usually to the dollar store, and get a little present for everyday. Something fun, or in next weeks case, something crafty. She will definitely be busy.
Scott and I have been married for 2 weeks today. I can't believe it's already been 2 weeks. Time is just flying. Things are going great. We had a great honeymoon, I failed to take many pictures during so I will upload a few.
Anyways, thats my update!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Those are the only 2 pics I have on my computer right now but I'll do a post from my phone with the completed (almost LOL) box. We just need to cut the hole in the top and finish that up, which we will do tomorrow.
Only 3 more days!!!!
Friday, July 13, 2012
Aren't they pretty? I made them my self. Took me about an hour. I absolutely LOVE them, and you can't tell that the brown used to be off white and that my mom spray painted them. Don't ask....
P.S. The material laying under my flowers in the 4th picture is what my bridesmaids are wearing...they are 9 and 10 so its a fun pattern for them!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
Our wedding is in 22 days!!! I can't wait. Things are all falling into place and I am super excited. We have some super fun plans for our "honeymoon" Fun things like an amusement park, the zoo, the beach...Hayley will be with her dad and my mom will be gone at the cabin so it will be just me, Scott, the cats and the rabbit.
And speaking of cats...I can't remember if I blogged about it or not but 6 weeks ago our cat gave birth to 5 beautiful kittens. She almost died and we are thankful everyday for the vet that saved my cats life. Anyways, so now we have 5 six week old kittens running around our house. Fun? Sometimes...Most of the time its just a pain in the butt. They get into everything!!! When I am done typing this I will do a post from my phone with a picture of the kittens when they were really little. They don't sit still so well anymore!
Anyways, I have tons of other things I would love to blog about but I must get to bed its late and I have to be up early...
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Other than that things are okay. The wedding is a month away and I am getting super excited. Dresses are moving right along, despite the fact that my mom has had food poisoning for a week now. RSVPs are slowly coming in...
Anyways, I better get my butt in bed. Im exhausted!!
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
- Spray paint my carnations (don't ask)
- Assemble all the bouquets
- Order our cake (this Friday hopefully)
- Pick up random things for the reception
- And most importantly my mom still has to finish the dresses...
- Oh and I need to decorate our card box. I still am not sure how I'm going to do that but I'll it out soon.
I can do it. =)
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Friday I had more blood work done. I was able to call the lab with in 2 hours and find out my results. Thankfully, it appears, both by lab work and by my body doing what its meant to do, that everything is going to happen naturally. No surgery necessary. From Wednesday to Friday my HcG level went from 44.6 to 16.9.
Also yesterday my OB called me personally and we had a nice chat. She did say I need to have one normal period before we can try again. And we will be trying again. We are both in agreement that while we mourn the loss of our baby we still want to try again. It's important to us.
Thank you to everyone that reads, this has been a sad week and I'm thankful that I have some where to turn to.
P.S. Our wedding is fast approaching! Only 42 more days!!!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
So as of right now I am going to assume that I am going to lose the baby. Its not fair. We want this baby so bad.
So if you don't hear from me for a few days its because I am dealing with this.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
I'm not gonna lie, I am scared. I have cried over this all day. (Darn emotions!!) I don't want to lose this baby. They did tell me as long as my level doubles that everything should be okay. Hopefully.
Wish me luck.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Weird. Does anyone know why that is? I'm confused lol.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
And where was it that we went? We traveled all that way so that I could attend the memorial service for my bestest friend ever. I was hoping that attending said service would give me some closure. Help me to realize that he is really gone and that I can't just pick up with phone and call him. I miss him so much.... =(
I didn't get that closure. I left with a ton of regret. Regret that I didn't go and see him. I had a chance, was all set to go and then got word that I couldn't go. I almost cried. And then yesterday I found out that I could have gone. It was all a misunderstanding. One that ultimately leaves me with terrible regret.
I miss him.
That is the song that was sang at his service. Well not the only song but that particular song made me lose it.
"But I always thought I'd see you again" That right there. I always thought I would see him again. And now I'll never see him again.
I hurt so bad!
Please pray that I can find closure in this sudden loss.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
As more things get here I get more and more excited about the wedding.
Only 72 more days!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
In wedding news, I am almost completely done getting invitations ready to mail out. My dress is in the mail, and the guys outfits are all purchased and either with me or on there way.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
I'm so excited...
Sunday, April 22, 2012
On another note, I found out today that I am being given a bridal shower on May 19! I'm so excited, I was totally not expecting it but can't wait none the less!