Wednesday, October 31, 2012

8 days...

Is how long I was gone from my house. 3 is the number of days I will be home. In the 8 days I was gone I was able to spend tons of time with my dad. Helping him everyday. Things have definitely declined but for the moment he is stable and fighting.
For the moment I am going to relax with my husband and finally get some sleep!

Saturday, October 20, 2012


Monday is the day I leave. I will wait for Hayley to come home from school and then I will take off.  I promised Hayley tonite when we were talking that I would come home for Halloween. As long as my dad is stable enough for me to be gone I will be home for 3 days. Then when I go back up I will bring Hayley and Scott for a night. Then after they leave it will be back to just waiting. And praying...for peace and acceptance. This is going to be very hard.

Thursday, October 18, 2012


Is creeping over me tonite. I had a phone call with my sister that left us both bawling. Its a long story but to sum it up things have gotten worse with my dad. We have been advised to bring him home and make him comfortable. They are saying no more than 6 weeks.
So as soon as he is home I am moving in with them to spend as much time with him as I can.  They don't have internet and phone service is pretty crappy up there but I will try to blog when I can. If I can. I'm scared and sad and just plain not ready to lose my daddy.
Please pray for us.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Big things..

Big things are in the works! I dont have enough info to say too much yet, but as soon as i do I will be sure to blog.
Its a big thing and it could lead to even bigger things!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

We remember..

We will always remember our precious little angel 6~7~12

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Emotionally Attached...

Apparently im emotionally  attached. I just dont get it.
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Edited to add: Its pretty darn hard to get emotionally attached to something that isn't even there. Thats okay it made me realize a few things. Maybe now life can return to normal.


I'm feeling a little better today. I can sense the anger but it doesn't feel as overhelming. My upcoming trip might have something to do with it...
The bad thing is my throat really hurts right now. I hope I'm not getting sick!

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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

My upcoming trip...among other things...

In just 3 (or is it technically 2 now?) days I am going to my dads. He doesn't live all that far away, only 1 1/2 hrs. But this trip is special. Why? Because I am going up there Thursday morning and staying uptil Friday sometime. The first bad  thing is I am being dropped off and will have to depend on other people to get around. The 2nd is my dads not even there. For the past 3 weeks he has been in a nursing home recovering from surgery to repair a broken hip. Thankfully he had a really good surgeon and is now recovering nicely. 
However, my dad saw his cancer dr. and they told him they found some questionable spots on his lungs and his cancer marker is going up. Not a good sign. So they have decided to start doing I.V.  chemo instead of pill chemo. BUT they aren't starting it before he goes home in another 3 weeks or so, AND we are meeting with the dr to discuss things. Statistics specifically, to decide if doing I.V. chemo is even worth doing. We already know that he will never be cured. 
So I am going to spend 2 days up north spending as much time with my dad as I can. It's so worth it. And as for the drive? Thats worth it too. 

Monday, October 1, 2012

So angry....

Thats how I feel right now. I don't really know why I am so angry I just know that I feel so angry. And lost and emotional. *sigh*

There's so much going on and my heart is so heavy. I just don't know where to turn to. I desperately need a therapist, but I don't have insurance coverage. I know that if I could just talk to someone openly and honestly that I would feel better. Or maybe a good old fashion karate/boxing lesson. *Sigh*

I sit here and I wish I knew what to do. Deep down I know the answer to one issue but its the execution that I'm struggling with. I don't want to do it. It would hurt too much. I'm a wreck!

I know this post seems totally off the wall just bouncing all over and for that I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do anymore.