Brewing: Thoughtful Post

I have a very deep thoughtful post brewing, I was going to type it when I got home tonite, but decided I wasn't really in the right mind frame. Hopefully later, after I got some sleep and things have sank in a bit. It is probably going to be rather long and I definitely want to be able to give it all my attention....
It was a long day, Scott went to the ICP concert and when I picked him up he was soaking wet...covered in Faygo diet Rootbeer...But he had fun.
We are off to bed so I will blog later....

Aren't they pretty????

Excuse the mess on the table....LOL But those are my beautiful roses. There is one for every month we have been together. And I noticed today that the lilys are starting to open. They are almost as beautiful as the roses. I will take a picture and upload it tomorrow for Wordless Wednesday. 

Roses

That is what I got from my most wonderfully amazing boyfriend. 6 red roses, 1 for every month we have been together.
Pictures to follow!

Crazy Day

It has DEFINTELY been one of those days...Actually yesterday was like this too. We have been running around like chickens with our heads cut off!!!! I guess that is what happens when you finally have acess to a car and need to get a ton of stuff done. Yesterday, I had to cash a check(which Meijers wouldn't cash) finally had to take it to Check N Go and pay 13 dollars just to get my money. And then, I had to eat lunch, stop by DHS to find out why Hayley lost her insurance and then reapply, and then I went down and waited forever to see my probation officer, and get home in time for Hayley to get off the bus.And after that Scott had to go to his mom's to type for her. And today, I had to pick up Hayley's fundraiser, run more errands and now am sitting down for two seconds before we leave to go back to Scott's moms. *sigh* I will update this later!
I'm back.  Not too much happened since I last wrote. Still no car, Hayley was extra cranky tonite because I think all week she has been up past her bedtime, and now I am just peacefully sitting up playing online and staring at Scott while he plays video games.
Sometimes, when I am just sitting staring at him I just smile because he just makes me so happy. I love everything about him. From the way he looks at me sometimes, to when we go to bed and he always automatically wraps his arms around me. I feel so safe in his arms. I love the way he rubs my back and almost always I fall asleep, or relax. I can't believe that is has almost been 6 months. It feels like it was just yesterday. I remember everything about the nite I met him. We talked online for like 6 hours. And then finally I went to meet him. It was late(after midnite) and I had court at 8 a.m. but I had to go. I had to meet this man I had been talking to for hours on end. The man I have sooo much in common with. It was amazing, He is amazing, we always have a good time together. He watches me when he thinks I am not looking. I think its cute, because I do it to him too!! And I love holding him at nite. I think I will dedicate the whole post to him and our relationship...That should be fun!
But anyways, that is my update.
Sara

Long over due...

It's been so long since I last blogged but I think that's because I have been soooo busy. I have spent almost a week now packing, and starting Monday moving. Its been just crazy, things are crazy. But it's worth it. I am getting away from where I am now and only certain people know where I am moving to so that is good too. And on the plus side I get to spend every nite in the arms of the one I love. No more driving home at 4 am. Woohoo!
Hopefully tomorrow we can finish. The last time I talked to Scott he was going to finish his packing so that tomorrow I can bring the trailer over and take everything to the new house. And speaking of house, I should post a picture or two but I will wait til we are more settled. I absolutely love it! And it fell right into our lap at a very good price. We definitely couldn't pass it up.
So yes, it will probably be a while before I blog again. Even though our internet and cable will be turned on Friday morning I have a lot of unpacking to do!!!
Oh and last Sat. we celebrated Hayley's 7th birthday. I can not believe my baby is 7!!!! I will have to do a picture post from that after I get settled at the new house.
So until later,
Sara

Wow....

Its been over a week (AGAIN) since I last blogged. But I do have a reason LOL. Friday afternoon Scott, Hayley and I loaded up and drove up to my dad's house for the weekend. Our intentions were to sleep in the tent out towards the fire pit. We encountered a few problems....

• My tent bag was full of water when I pulled it out to pack it
• This resulted in having to go buy a NEW tent (with money that I should not have spent)
• Hayley ended up sleeping in the house ALL weekend, because in her words "Scott snores!"
• All weekend Scott and I were afraid our NEW tent was going to collapse on us. This resulted in my returning our brand new tent. I do not wish to own a tent that does not stay up correctly.
  

So yeah, it didn't really go the way we planned, but we had a blast. We had lots of fun, swimming, BUGS, ice cream, and hot dogs over the fire. My camera is still broken so I did not get many pictures.
On Sunday, my mom and my brother brought my 2 year old nephew up to see my dad...and us. Gosh he is getting soooo big! It seems like just yesterday that he was born! We were gone when they got there so when we got back I was in a rush to get in the house and when I walked in Ellis was like "AUNT SARA!" in his adorable 2 year old voice. It melted my heart.
In other news, Hayley starts 2nd grade today. She is sooo excited (and so is mommy!). The only problem at the moment is I can only find 1 tennis shoe and that's not good. So I hunted up her good sandals, that need to be washed, and I guess she can wear those. Also, next Sunday my baby turns 7. I can NOT believe it. We are having her party on Saturday. This year she wanted Hannah Montana. And I have been searching the net for a picture of the cake I ordered but I can not find one. Bummer, I will try and get some pictures (of course I need a camera to do that!) But even if I don't have a camera someone will and then I will get pics and if all else fails I have my cell phone which takes decent pictures.
Anyways, I need to wrap this up because I have an appointment at Hayley's school at 1 and I have a ton of errands to run before that. Something that could be very good for us has possibly come up and I need to look into it.
I will update again soon (hopefully!)
Sara

Not much to blog about....

I guess I am a boring person. LOL It is quite possible. So I am sitting here racking my brain for things to blog about...A few things have come to mind.

For starters, Hayley is grounded until Friday. Yes, I said my 6 year old is grounded for 5 days. Why you may ask? For taking all the dish soap, hand soap and bubble bath outside and using it to "wash" cars yesterday. It was a disaster! Neither I nor my mom realized that she had taken these things outside. It took me over 1/2 an hour to get all the soap off the cars. *sigh* Kids.

Last night Scott and I watched the first Left Behind Movie. I have already read most of the books but the movie was absolutely amazing!!! I can not wait to watch the 2nd one. Hopefully tonite.
Other than that, I really don't have much to talk about..
OH! Hayley's 7th Birthday is in 13 days!!!! =( My baby is growing sooo fast! And in 8 wonderful days she will start 2nd grade! I am super excited about this as she is definitely ready to return to school!
Maybe I will blog again soon!
Sara

Update: Scott and I did in fact watch the 2nd and 3rd Left Behind Movies. I am annoyed at how they ended them. It really made me mad. And the movies got me thinking a little bit. But I will save that for another post later when I am more awake.

A little bit of everything....

Okay, so this isn't going to be a very long post, I don't think. But you never know...it just might turn out that way. LOL....Really there isn't a whole lot I can post about.
I had an appointment on Monday and Hayley had one on Tuesday. Both were successful and I am glad for that. My migraines are still under control, with only minor headaches when I get really stressed. umm, last Thursday I was in the emergency room because I was having terrible back spasms and when they would hit I couldn't breath very well. They have no clue what brought them on and now a full week later I am still having some pain, but not as much. They did do an EKG, a chest x-ray, and lab work. Also they gave me three different shots of pain meds/muscle reliever...and none of them really did anything besides make me so sick to my stomach. Which in its self is funny because one the shots also contained an antinausea medication. LOL
Scott and I are doing well. I love him so much! For a while now every time I would see him/talk to him one song would come to mind. So finally last weekend I played it for him...

I know its kind of silly but I have sort of adopted it as one of our songs. I also made it into a ring tone so that when Scott calls my cell it plays. OH! And this past weekend Scott sang that to me when we woke up one day. Can you say romantic?? LOL Scott is my rock, my everything...I thank my lucky stars EVERYDAY that I met him!
Moving on....My divorce will be final in 18 days! I am so excited!!!! I was going to go after the hearing and get my tattoo fixed but I am not sure if I am going to have the money. =( That makes me sad...See why I say that????? I am hopefully going to have them cover it up with Hayley's name but honestly I am not sure how that is gonna work! I definitely learned my lesson..No names unless it is a child or a family member that passed away.
And speaking of tattoos..That thing did hurt a little..I was freaked out when I had it done but its addicting and I already have a collection going of future tattoos...That is my next one, after the cover-up. I just have to decide where I want it. I am thinking my boob. Maybe..I am not sure yet!! I also want the triquetra from Charmed. I don't know why I just do. Also I would like the pink breast cancer ribbon..In memory of my grandma. So yes, I am addicted to tattoos!!!!


Anyways, its quarter after 5 and I want to play one more game of pool and then I am off to bed. I shall do Thursday's Playlist a little later!!!

Its been a full week...

Since I last wrote. So much has been going on that I just simply have not had time to blog. In fact, some of what has been going on I can not blog about. I can say that my depression and anxiety has hit a very severe low..I am not okay. I have an appointment on Monday to help me. I think my medication is not doing its job.
So I figured I would just summarize everything I want to get down in a list...

• Bedtime in our house is a HUGE struggle right now. I can not get Hayley to fall asleep before 11 pm most nites. I think the solution is to start making her get up at the normal school time so that she is tired by bedtime.
• Scott and my relationship is doing very well, most days. Like all couples we have our moments but things are definitely going better and better. I don't know what I would do with out him..
• He has gotten me through some pretty intense days lately.
  
• My sister called last nite. Our dad had a dr. appointment yesterday to find out the results of some testing they had done on his heart. It turns out at some point he had a heart attack in the lower part of his heart. It has caused scarring and they need to do more tests to figure out what to do next.
  
• Hayley broke my camera 2 days ago. I am deeply sadden by this as now I do not have a camera and it will take a few weeks to get it repaired. I hope its back in time for some upcoming events.
  

I am sure there is more but its 4:30 am and I have some stuff I need to get done before I head to bed. So I will try and write again soon. Though, Hayley and my mom are going away for the weekend and Scott is going to be here the whole time so I doubt I will have much computer time!!!
Sara

Summer Fun

Today is the 30th of July. This is significant because 29 days ago Nate was served his divorce papers. That means that as of yesterday he defaulted, which means that he is not contesting the divorce. So tomorrow, we are driving to Grand Haven to file the paper work and schedule the final hearing. I am super excited! I can not wait to be divorced. How many people say that???????
Also when we are in Grand Haven tomorrow we are going to enjoy the nice day, Coast Guard Festival is going on and we are going to check that out. It should be fun.
AND THEN...On Tuesday Scott, Hayley, Stephanie, and I are going to Michigan's Adventure. Everyone is really excited to go and have lots of fun. They open at 11 and we are going to spend the entire day there. Remind me to bring some sunscreen..LOL I doubt I will. I don't mind the sun. They have so many cool rides and we are going to try and go on everything that won't scare the crap out of us. LOL There is some rides that I can not nor will not even attempt to go on. Some of the roller coasters for example. Tho Scott and I are going to go on the cork screw. I haven't been on that ride in YEARS!
So yes, we are going to be having lots of fun in the upcoming days. And my favorite park is that Monday nite Scott is coming to stay the nite so that I don't have to go to Hudsonville on Tuesday morning. I am super excited, I can't wait to spend the nite in his arms. =)

Communication...

is a must in every good relationship. But I will get back to that statement in just a moment. First I want to start at the beginning...Beginning of what you ask? Well my story of course! LOL
When I was 15 my mom moved our family away from the town I grew up in, away from my best friend turned sister, and away from everything I knew. Within probably 3 months I was skipping school to sleep, never getting out of bed, and crying all the time. My mom immediately took me to see a doctor whom diagnosed me with depression. I was put on medication, Zoloft if I am not mistaken, and I started doing counseling. Fast forward about 12 years. I still suffer from depression. However, now it is much much worse than it was then. I have been on countless different medications, been hospitalized, in therapy, and just plain suffered. And in addition to that depression I also suffer from severe anxiety problems. So, my doctor put me on Paxil. Then, about 3 weeks ago when my anxiety was getting worse she upped the dose. Now, my anxiety is getting better but my depression is still doing very very bad. I need to call her and see what she recommends.
I will admit, most days I am very down, but I force my self to put a smile on my face and try and act cheery. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. For the last few days it has not been working. Friday was the worst. I have noticed that when I do not get enough sleep it gets worse, so I am assuming that because I have been up since noon on Thursday with only MAYBE 2 hours of sleep snuck in there, that's part of my problem. On Thursday nite I totally shut down. Refused to talk to anyone, in particular Scott. He didn't know what was going on and I didn't know what to tell him. He knows about my depression and anxiety but I didn't know how to say, yes baby I am having a really rough day, just give me time. So the result was about 3? hours of absolutely NO communication between us. NOT good. So moving on to Friday, I spent alot of the day down, and crying.I was feeling as though there was something wrong with my relationship, that we had hit a road block of sorts. All I wanted was to be in Scott's arms where I feel the safest. So finally that's exactly where I went. I still felt that said roadblock was there but I just assumed it was my depression. But I was wrong, oh boy was I wrong!! Which leads me back to my opening statement.
Communication is a must in every good relationship. And Scott and I haven't been communicating very well lately. There is things he does that annoy me, and there are things I do that annoy him. For example, hanging up on him. Which I find my self doing ALOT lately! It makes me feel like a terrible girlfriend! So then why do I do it? Well of course...because Scott does things that annoys me! So tonite we finally realized that we weren't communicating very well and agreed that we need to do so. So Saturday nite when he comes to stay the nite we are going to do some serious talking about where our relationship stands, and the things that each of us needs to change to make our relationship work.
But anyways, its 4:30 in the morning so I must get to bed, I have a busy day a head of me and I am freaking tired! I am sure there is errors in this post so I will try and get back and reread it after I have had some sleep...
~~Sara~~

A little over due and HARRY POTTER alert LOL

I should have blogged before now. So much has happened that I really wanted to get down....For starters the 22nd marked 2 months for Scott and I. WOW! It honestly feels like its been a year or something. He is honestly the most wonderfully, amazing, romantic boyfriend. And I tell him that all the time. I just can't believe that he chose me.
Second, on Monday Scott and I went and saw the new Harry Potter movie. It was really good. A little boring at times. Oh and the book was WAY better than the movie. Which is normal, especially for Harry Potter. It is really hard to get some of the effects and what not. There is some things that were never mentioned in the movie that they probably should have purely because of the last movies. But hey, by them not being in the 6th movie means that the 7th (and 8th) movies don't need them either. But still....Book 7 had some serious events happen that I just don't see them being able to not have in the movie....
Anyways, I know I wanted to blog about some other things but its almost 5 am and I am freaking exhausted! Nite nite, and I will try to update again soon. I am honestly really bad at this.
~S~

~~OH! and I know I said I would blog about being hit but I just don't want to drag it up. I just need to let it go.~~

Love.....

So it's Sunday today. I haven't blogged in days. I have tried to start a couple posts but didn't get very far. That will teach me to not blog at 3 am when I am really tired. I am still tired now and its 1:30 in the afternoon. I almost fell asleep at Scott's house last night, and the night before that I DID fall asleep.
It's getting harder and harder to drive home and go to bed, when all I want to do is stay with him. I think between him and I yesterday we said no less than 10 times how we can't wait to have our own place, or how we wish we already had our own place. I think some people, like my mom, and some random people, think we are crazy for talking about moving in together already. But what no one realizes is that yes, its been 2 months, BUT to us, it feels like its been so much longer. A year at least. ;)
He is honestly, the most romantic boyfriend. He says and does the sweetest things. I just can't believe how happy I am. I never thought love could or would feel this way.....

EDIT: Tonite (sunday nite) Scott and I were discussing the whole living together thing and I am guessing that it will be many months before I move out of my mom's house....So its not like we are moving in together tomorrow or anything. LOL Maybe next summer? I donno. I think that if I stay here for another year it will give me a chance to save money and maybe, just maybe, put a down payment on a house or something. I would really like that. Only time will tell.....

Owww....

Yes, it hurts very badly. Yes there is a little lighter patch on my left shoulder that you can't see very well, because that is where my tattoo is, and I put special sunblock on my tattoo...
Yes you can see right where my bathing suit straps lay but only in spots because the straps don't stay up well at all....

Scott, Hayley, Stephanie, and I went to Potter Park zoo yesterday with Sylvia. It was awesome! Very busy, and very warm out. But we had a blast. Stephanie & Sylvia took Hayley with them so Scott and I could really enjoy the zoo. There was certainly more animals there than at John Ball Zoo. I took a bunch of pics and will upload some later. After we left the zoo, we were there for 3 hrs, we went to Hawk Island Park for lunch and swimming. That was a lot of fun too. By the time we left at 5:30 I was this red, in pain, and exhausted. At about 5 I dozed off sitting at a table. Then last nite I was in bed really early. Well at least early for me....hehe
Sara

Whatever It Is.....

This song makes me think of Scott....

Picture post...

I have 160 pictures from Sylvia & Terry's wedding, it was hard to choose what to upload. So I picked some of my favorites. Starting to the left: My darling(and drunk) boyfriend, Him and I together, this is my most favorite picture. Steph and Sylvia drunk together, Steph and Sylvia and me, the only sober one...






























I absolutely adore this picture. This was the first time in about 6 years the 3 of us have hung out. It was so much fun, and such an honor to be included in this wonderful day. And wonderful it was....I have so much to type about so I am going to leave this post now and start a new one. I certainly have exciting news!!!!! (And NO i'm not pregnant, THANK GOD!)

~Sara~

Really Quick...

I am gonna post LOL. I took a vicodin for the pain in my body so I am ready to pass out. Probably not a good idea, cuz I do have plans later, but if I continue to feel so groggy I will lay down.
I went and saw Nate yesterday, I don't know if I said it before or not but it was suppose to be my last visit. I did end up scheduling another visit but I am going to call and cancel it. I can't keep going to the jail anymore. I need to be free from him, from his issues with me, his yelling, and his crap. It just CAN NOT continue.
When I left the jail I was in, for lack of better words, a funk. One that would not lift no matter what I did. I even talked to Scott on the phone for a half hour...It seemed to help but not much. When I called there he was still sleeping, at 5:35 in the afternoon, and they woke him up. I felt bad, but at the same time I thought for sure it would help. And it did, for a little while. And then suddenly it crept back up on me.
Stephanie and I took Hayley to the park. I wish I could remember more, but I just can't. I was that out of it.I do know that we were having fun, if I'm not mistaken. I have tons of pics from my cell phone... Finally, Steph stole my cell phone and called Scott. We were about 2 mins from his house. I guess she told him his girlfriend was acting weird and it was freaking her out. And could she bring me there. He said yes. I remember getting in the car, and her driving me there. And then I remember him coming out and talking to me. I remember his arm around me, telling me everything would be okay. And then I remember getting out of the car and just wrapping my arms around him. We just stood there, me in his arms. And finally I felt that oddness lifting. I apologized for him missing some of the Red Wings game, and he said basically that I was more important than the game.
By the time we left there I was feeling much better. I didn't feel so out of it anymore. And for that I thank Stephanie, for contacting him and driving me there. And I thank my wonderful boyfriend for caring enough to help me feel better. It was odd and I know there is stuff that I will never remember. But I also know I am safe with Scott and he will be there to make me feel safe.
This is why I can not go back to the jail. I can not allow my self to get that out of it again. I NEED to stay away from Nate.
Anyways, I am sure this makes NO sense whats so ever but maybe later after I have slept I can fix it...I donno. But for now I will close with a couple pictures....I absolutely adore these pictures..And they turned out fairly good given they were taken with my 2.0 mega pixel camera phone....
There is other stuff I want to talk about but not now...Maybe later...

~~Sara~~

Happy...

That would describe my mood right now. No actually, over the moon is more accurate....Tonite was the 5th nite in a row that Scott and I hung out. I went to his house and we watched 50 First Dates (awesome movie btw) and The Family Guy Movie (another good one) and just cuddled and talked...We talk so much that it feels like I've known him forever!
Just before I left he asked me something that I was not expecting him to yet...I figured it would be a while, we didn't want to rush things, just basically take things slow and see what happens. Well, we were sitting there talking about how my friends would approve of him and then he said "This might be a little over due but will you go out with me?" And of course we all know what Sara said ;) So a few mins later I was like does that mean I can call you my boyfriend? And he said yes..I basically said that as a smart ass thing because I already knew the answer but all the same. He is my boyfriend..And I can talk about him cuz I'm his only girlfriend! lmao
I wish I had a pic I could put up but the only one i have is kind of small...so I will wait until I see him again and just take some pictures..Maybe I can get Hayley to take one of him and I together....
Anyways, I just had to write really quick..I have other things I could say but I'm not going to waste my time cuz its not worth it...
~~Sara~~

Camping Part 2

So, in my opinion, I have succeeded in pissing him off and I'm glad....Haven't seen him in person yet and I know I need to...Maybe tomorrow...This weekend hasn't been what it was suppose to be but that's okay because I am having a wonderful time...WITHOUT him...But Scott has been here both days and we are enjoying getting to know each other...He really is a nice guy and we are taking our time.....
But its 1 am and I need to go to the bathroom, its a little walk, and move to the picnic table cuz my foot is falling asleep sitting....
Sara

Camping

So Hayley and I are camping...Woohoo for free wifi!! Its going okay. Its been way tougher than I thought....I thought it would be awesome but it's not. I have been ignored since yesterday. And its driving me nuts. HE is the reason I am here right now. Because HE wanted me to, I should have just followed my instincts and stayed home. Should have ended it the last time I had a chance to, such as the last time we got together. Incidentally I didn't want to do it then. I just wanted to do HIM! LMAO. Oh well, life goes on. Not like we really have a relationship anyways.
The good part is I met someone. Him I can talk about LOL. His name is Scott...And he is beautiful, and shy, and everything I was looking for. And the best part is he doesn't have a girlfriend or a wife. No more secret relationships for me. He knows that I'm married, and that I haven't filed for divorce yet. And speaking of divorce, I am going to file probably next week. I know that I told Nate I would wait but I can't. He doesn't get that honor. He fucked up by not contacting me in a week. No phone calls, no NOTHING. So screw him! By the end of July, beginning of August I will be divorced, AGAIN. And darn it, I don't think I will ever get married again. Two failed marriages is enough for me thank you very much.
Anyways, the sky looks a little dark, I sure hope it doesn't rain....my tent leaks lol. Speaking of tents..The top of my tent is missing, I think its possibly locked in the storage unit. So Mom went and bought a tarp yesterday and that seems to be working. Hayley wants me to take her back to the pool and I am thinking I might.
Suddenly it got really cold....I'm cold darn it. I need to go to the store because Hayley killed the batteries in the flashlight last nite and its the only one we have.
So until next time,
Sara