Aren't they pretty????

Excuse the mess on the table....LOL But those are my beautiful roses. There is one for every month we have been together. And I noticed today that the lilys are starting to open. They are almost as beautiful as the roses. I will take a picture and upload it tomorrow for Wordless Wednesday. 

Roses

That is what I got from my most wonderfully amazing boyfriend. 6 red roses, 1 for every month we have been together.
Pictures to follow!

Crazy Day

It has DEFINTELY been one of those days...Actually yesterday was like this too. We have been running around like chickens with our heads cut off!!!! I guess that is what happens when you finally have acess to a car and need to get a ton of stuff done. Yesterday, I had to cash a check(which Meijers wouldn't cash) finally had to take it to Check N Go and pay 13 dollars just to get my money. And then, I had to eat lunch, stop by DHS to find out why Hayley lost her insurance and then reapply, and then I went down and waited forever to see my probation officer, and get home in time for Hayley to get off the bus.And after that Scott had to go to his mom's to type for her. And today, I had to pick up Hayley's fundraiser, run more errands and now am sitting down for two seconds before we leave to go back to Scott's moms. *sigh* I will update this later!
I'm back.  Not too much happened since I last wrote. Still no car, Hayley was extra cranky tonite because I think all week she has been up past her bedtime, and now I am just peacefully sitting up playing online and staring at Scott while he plays video games.
Sometimes, when I am just sitting staring at him I just smile because he just makes me so happy. I love everything about him. From the way he looks at me sometimes, to when we go to bed and he always automatically wraps his arms around me. I feel so safe in his arms. I love the way he rubs my back and almost always I fall asleep, or relax. I can't believe that is has almost been 6 months. It feels like it was just yesterday. I remember everything about the nite I met him. We talked online for like 6 hours. And then finally I went to meet him. It was late(after midnite) and I had court at 8 a.m. but I had to go. I had to meet this man I had been talking to for hours on end. The man I have sooo much in common with. It was amazing, He is amazing, we always have a good time together. He watches me when he thinks I am not looking. I think its cute, because I do it to him too!! And I love holding him at nite. I think I will dedicate the whole post to him and our relationship...That should be fun!
But anyways, that is my update.
Sara

Communication...

is a must in every good relationship. But I will get back to that statement in just a moment. First I want to start at the beginning...Beginning of what you ask? Well my story of course! LOL
When I was 15 my mom moved our family away from the town I grew up in, away from my best friend turned sister, and away from everything I knew. Within probably 3 months I was skipping school to sleep, never getting out of bed, and crying all the time. My mom immediately took me to see a doctor whom diagnosed me with depression. I was put on medication, Zoloft if I am not mistaken, and I started doing counseling. Fast forward about 12 years. I still suffer from depression. However, now it is much much worse than it was then. I have been on countless different medications, been hospitalized, in therapy, and just plain suffered. And in addition to that depression I also suffer from severe anxiety problems. So, my doctor put me on Paxil. Then, about 3 weeks ago when my anxiety was getting worse she upped the dose. Now, my anxiety is getting better but my depression is still doing very very bad. I need to call her and see what she recommends.
I will admit, most days I am very down, but I force my self to put a smile on my face and try and act cheery. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. For the last few days it has not been working. Friday was the worst. I have noticed that when I do not get enough sleep it gets worse, so I am assuming that because I have been up since noon on Thursday with only MAYBE 2 hours of sleep snuck in there, that's part of my problem. On Thursday nite I totally shut down. Refused to talk to anyone, in particular Scott. He didn't know what was going on and I didn't know what to tell him. He knows about my depression and anxiety but I didn't know how to say, yes baby I am having a really rough day, just give me time. So the result was about 3? hours of absolutely NO communication between us. NOT good. So moving on to Friday, I spent alot of the day down, and crying.I was feeling as though there was something wrong with my relationship, that we had hit a road block of sorts. All I wanted was to be in Scott's arms where I feel the safest. So finally that's exactly where I went. I still felt that said roadblock was there but I just assumed it was my depression. But I was wrong, oh boy was I wrong!! Which leads me back to my opening statement.
Communication is a must in every good relationship. And Scott and I haven't been communicating very well lately. There is things he does that annoy me, and there are things I do that annoy him. For example, hanging up on him. Which I find my self doing ALOT lately! It makes me feel like a terrible girlfriend! So then why do I do it? Well of course...because Scott does things that annoys me! So tonite we finally realized that we weren't communicating very well and agreed that we need to do so. So Saturday nite when he comes to stay the nite we are going to do some serious talking about where our relationship stands, and the things that each of us needs to change to make our relationship work.
But anyways, its 4:30 in the morning so I must get to bed, I have a busy day a head of me and I am freaking tired! I am sure there is errors in this post so I will try and get back and reread it after I have had some sleep...
~~Sara~~

A little over due and HARRY POTTER alert LOL

I should have blogged before now. So much has happened that I really wanted to get down....For starters the 22nd marked 2 months for Scott and I. WOW! It honestly feels like its been a year or something. He is honestly the most wonderfully, amazing, romantic boyfriend. And I tell him that all the time. I just can't believe that he chose me.
Second, on Monday Scott and I went and saw the new Harry Potter movie. It was really good. A little boring at times. Oh and the book was WAY better than the movie. Which is normal, especially for Harry Potter. It is really hard to get some of the effects and what not. There is some things that were never mentioned in the movie that they probably should have purely because of the last movies. But hey, by them not being in the 6th movie means that the 7th (and 8th) movies don't need them either. But still....Book 7 had some serious events happen that I just don't see them being able to not have in the movie....
Anyways, I know I wanted to blog about some other things but its almost 5 am and I am freaking exhausted! Nite nite, and I will try to update again soon. I am honestly really bad at this.
~S~

~~OH! and I know I said I would blog about being hit but I just don't want to drag it up. I just need to let it go.~~

Love.....

So it's Sunday today. I haven't blogged in days. I have tried to start a couple posts but didn't get very far. That will teach me to not blog at 3 am when I am really tired. I am still tired now and its 1:30 in the afternoon. I almost fell asleep at Scott's house last night, and the night before that I DID fall asleep.
It's getting harder and harder to drive home and go to bed, when all I want to do is stay with him. I think between him and I yesterday we said no less than 10 times how we can't wait to have our own place, or how we wish we already had our own place. I think some people, like my mom, and some random people, think we are crazy for talking about moving in together already. But what no one realizes is that yes, its been 2 months, BUT to us, it feels like its been so much longer. A year at least. ;)
He is honestly, the most romantic boyfriend. He says and does the sweetest things. I just can't believe how happy I am. I never thought love could or would feel this way.....

EDIT: Tonite (sunday nite) Scott and I were discussing the whole living together thing and I am guessing that it will be many months before I move out of my mom's house....So its not like we are moving in together tomorrow or anything. LOL Maybe next summer? I donno. I think that if I stay here for another year it will give me a chance to save money and maybe, just maybe, put a down payment on a house or something. I would really like that. Only time will tell.....

Camping

So Hayley and I are camping...Woohoo for free wifi!! Its going okay. Its been way tougher than I thought....I thought it would be awesome but it's not. I have been ignored since yesterday. And its driving me nuts. HE is the reason I am here right now. Because HE wanted me to, I should have just followed my instincts and stayed home. Should have ended it the last time I had a chance to, such as the last time we got together. Incidentally I didn't want to do it then. I just wanted to do HIM! LMAO. Oh well, life goes on. Not like we really have a relationship anyways.
The good part is I met someone. Him I can talk about LOL. His name is Scott...And he is beautiful, and shy, and everything I was looking for. And the best part is he doesn't have a girlfriend or a wife. No more secret relationships for me. He knows that I'm married, and that I haven't filed for divorce yet. And speaking of divorce, I am going to file probably next week. I know that I told Nate I would wait but I can't. He doesn't get that honor. He fucked up by not contacting me in a week. No phone calls, no NOTHING. So screw him! By the end of July, beginning of August I will be divorced, AGAIN. And darn it, I don't think I will ever get married again. Two failed marriages is enough for me thank you very much.
Anyways, the sky looks a little dark, I sure hope it doesn't rain....my tent leaks lol. Speaking of tents..The top of my tent is missing, I think its possibly locked in the storage unit. So Mom went and bought a tarp yesterday and that seems to be working. Hayley wants me to take her back to the pool and I am thinking I might.
Suddenly it got really cold....I'm cold darn it. I need to go to the store because Hayley killed the batteries in the flashlight last nite and its the only one we have.
So until next time,
Sara