My upcoming trip...among other things...

In just 3 (or is it technically 2 now?) days I am going to my dads. He doesn't live all that far away, only 1 1/2 hrs. But this trip is special. Why? Because I am going up there Thursday morning and staying uptil Friday sometime. The first bad  thing is I am being dropped off and will have to depend on other people to get around. The 2nd is my dads not even there. For the past 3 weeks he has been in a nursing home recovering from surgery to repair a broken hip. Thankfully he had a really good surgeon and is now recovering nicely. 

However, my dad saw his cancer dr. and they told him they found some questionable spots on his lungs and his cancer marker is going up. Not a good sign. So they have decided to start doing I.V.  chemo instead of pill chemo. BUT they aren't starting it before he goes home in another 3 weeks or so, AND we are meeting with the dr to discuss things. Statistics specifically, to decide if doing I.V. chemo is even worth doing. We already know that he will never be cured. 

So I am going to spend 2 days up north spending as much time with my dad as I can. It's so worth it. And as for the drive? Thats worth it too. 

Sara

So angry....

Thats how I feel right now. I don't really know why I am so angry I just know that I feel so angry. And lost and emotional. *sigh*

There's so much going on and my heart is so heavy. I just don't know where to turn to. I desperately need a therapist, but I don't have insurance coverage. I know that if I could just talk to someone openly and honestly that I would feel better. Or maybe a good old fashion karate/boxing lesson. *Sigh*

I sit here and I wish I knew what to do. Deep down I know the answer to one issue but its the execution that I'm struggling with. I don't want to do it. It would hurt too much. I'm a wreck!

I know this post seems totally off the wall just bouncing all over and for that I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sara

Sorry...

I've been away for a long time. But everyone and everything is okay. Mostly anyways. Hayley is loving 5th grade and I can't believe she will be in middle school next year!
Other than that I've got a lot on my mind. Nothing I can blog about (of course!!! LOL) but something none the less.
S

5th grade

The Silence...

It's 4:14 in the morning and I am sitting in bed blogging. Outside of my room is total silence and darkness. This is unusual for two reasons. The first is that every night Hayley is home there is at least one light on. The second is Hayley's radio isn't playing. Again unusual because Hayley always listens to the radio at night. So where is Hayley? Friday night Hayley left to go spend 9 days at her dad's house. 
This is sad for many reasons. Too many to list really. But the thing is Hayley doesn't want to be there. She wants to be at home. She doesn't like going there, but yet I still HAVE to make her go. I don't like it. I don't like seeing my nine year crying and screaming about not wanting to go to daddy's. 
I wish there was something I could do about this. It happens all the time but yet unless I want to face getting into trouble with the court I have to keep sending her. 
I miss my princess already and can't wait for her to come home!!
Sara

More Honeymoon pictures...

Slow down summer...

I sure wish I could. Before long Hayley will be starting 5th grade. How did that happen?? It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with her. And now, she is turning 10, going into 5th grade and summer is almost over.
Next Friday Hayley leaves for her dad's house for 9 days. Yikes, poor kid. I don't think she realizes it's going to be 9 days. I think she might think its just for 7 days. And believe me, 7 is hard enough for her, 9 is going to be very difficult. I have already purchased her packages. One for every day she is going to be gone. Its a tradition we have done for 2 years now. When ever she has to go for more than a weekend, I go, usually to the dollar store, and get a little present for everyday. Something fun, or in next weeks case, something crafty. She will definitely be busy. 
Scott and I have been married for 2 weeks today. I can't believe it's already been 2 weeks. Time is just flying. Things are going great. We had a great honeymoon, I failed to take many pictures during so I will upload a few.
Anyways, thats my update!
Sara